Why Men Like Being With Older Women
What is it about us that draws younger men in like a magnet?
It was late and I was getting ready to leave work for the day. On my way out, my co-worker gestured me over as she was getting ready to leave.
She had been on her phone talking in a very quiet tone, so I figured she wanted some privacy or something. But now all smiles, she motioned to me in a breathy, excited voice “Hey! I have to tell you something!”
From the look of her face and smiling ear to ear, it had to be something really good.
“So…I have been dating someone.”
“What?? Why is this the first I’m hearing about this mystery man?”
Now this was a woman that embodied the I’m an independent woman I so don’t need a man for anything ever, I’ve been single so long and plan to stay this way forever persona.
To me, it was shocking that she was even dating someone, and even more of a head-scratcher as to why this was the first I was hearing of him, as we were very close.
“So it started back a few months ago. We were friends for a while and it became something more.” She looked around and then whispered, “It's someone here.”
“What?! You cannot even be serious!”
There are absolutely no, not even close to any dateable men where we work, even if you wanted to lower your standards by A LOT.
“Well, not here here, but in the other department.”
She proceeded to tell me exactly who it was, who I knew, and swore me to secrecy.
“I’m really happy for you. Especially if you’re happy. But isn’t he a bit… young? He has a baby face. What is he like 35 maybe?”
She looked at me sheepishly. “Well yeah. That’s why we want to keep it a secret and not tell anyone. He’s 29.”
“Really???” I said, hoping it wasn’t completely obvious on my face how surprised I was.
Her 50th birthday was coming up soon and I planned on attending her birthday shindig.
“He told me he loves being with an older woman. He likes deep, philosophical conversations, there’s no pressure. It’s just easy. And…” she paused and whispered with a wink “The sex is hot. He says I really know what I’m doing.”
By nature I am quite chatty and never at a loss for words but this one stumped me. I honestly wasn’t sure what an appropriate response was.
“Well, I am happy for you.”
But I had so many questions.
And it completely altered what I had always been told.
Don’t men want younger women?
Even in my twenties my grandmother, aunt, my friends who were already married would say to me “You better not wait too long all the good ones will be gone. And they want young women so it’s now or never!”
And in my forties when I got divorced, it was more of the same.
“You better not wait too long if you want to get a man, you won’t always look like you do now and all the older men want 20 and 30-year-olds.”
It depressed me, to say the least.
But apparently, that’s not always the case.
In my personal experience, I know for a fact that men do like to date older women.
A few years ago when I was trying to date after my divorce, and without much luck, I had a favorite local bar I would go to from time to time.
I went there a lot with friends and on first dates because the bartenders were personable and friendly. So I knew that even if my date went south and was terrible, I was guaranteed to still have a good time as I could chat and hang out with the bartenders.
One of them was particularly friendly and always went out of his way to talk to me. I thought he was just being nice, as I was there quite often. But one night he asked me out.
“I’m flattered I really am. But may I ask…How old are you?”
“I just turned 30.”
I couldn't believe it. I was rounding the corner to almost 45. Doesn’t he want to date women his age?
We had a slow dance and had some drinks after the place closed for the night. I told him maybe we could hang out sometime but I decided against it — and it ended there.
In 2016 Felicia Brings and Susan Winter interviewed over 200 men to find out why they were specifically attracted to older women.
Some of these reasons are exactly what I have found in my own experience and the experience of the women around me.
Confidence
Older women know what they want. They’ve been there, done that. They have too many things going on in their life to deal with any BS or play any games. Either you’re interested, or you’re not. No hard feelings, just keep it movin’. Older women don’t want to waste their time on relationships that are treading water and going nowhere. More than likely they’ve already racked up several time wasters with her exes so that position has already been filled.
Gold digging free zone
Older women are more financially established. They are not looking for a man to be a “provider man” or all of the Trad Wife movement nonsense that is a new trend with the younger set. She is looking for a partner, a companion, someone to do things with. Not an ATM.
We don’t do drama here
Older women realize that they no longer want a lot of drama in their life. Getting angry, crying uncontrollably, or yelling does no good and just raises our blood pressure. Men since the beginning of time don’t like any major emotional outbursts. They’re not comfortable with feelings or emotions and they could do without either one. Men don’t like overly dramatic displays of emotions or know what to do with them.
Emotions and drama – when you’re an older woman, ain’t nobody got time for that.
There’s no pressure
Older women have done the let’s get married and start a family thing. They have their kids, some of who may be grown and out of the house.
They are now looking for someone just for themselves – to love and be their partner and companion.
They have a new chapter in their life where they may want a need a man to make them happy. Not that they have to have one, but it would be wonderful to share their life with someone now that they have more time to focus on their own wants and needs.
They want to love a man for who he is and not what he can provide in the future – having a successful career and being able to pay the bills, buying a home, or having kids with him.
Older women have done all of this already and are looking for a life partner to grow old and retire with, someone to walk out into the sunset with during their older years.
In conclusion, while many will tell you, well now that you’re over 40 your dating options are limited because all these men want much younger women, I don’t believe that is always the case.
My current partner is another example. Before me (I’m a year older) he tried to date two younger millennials.
Both of them combined lasted about a total of 8 months.
After determining they had nothing in common, couldn’t relate to cultural references like music and movies, there was too much drama and emotions. One decided to have an affair with her neighbor during their dating — he was done.
He decided he was never dating younger women ever again, after previously telling himself he would not date a woman older than him.
So that was that.
But then he found me, an older woman.
Thanks for reading!
Xoxoxoxoxo Harlyn